When I Run, I Feel Free

This post is sponsored by Mizuno via Fitfluential, all opinions are my own. 

I started running when I was eight-years-old when my Dad would take me out on the track at my elementary school and I would practice my 1-mile times. Moving onto middle school I then practiced my 1-mile times in PE class and I remember loving that after-run feeling, even though I was tomato-faced and sweaty profusely after each run, I loved the feeling every time. I continued running on an off throughout high school and into college. Anytime a stressor came up in my life I would run as much as possible and I would use running as my escape in my sometimes turbulent home life. When chaos was around me I would choose to lace up my shoes and run. I began to fall in love with running and filling my free time between hitting the pavement and swimming. I've run in countless pairs of shoes and I go through pairs pretty quickly. When I was fitted for running shoes in a running store I learned that I'm a neutral runner which means that my feet pronate inwards when I run which could potentially cause more injuries and shin splints if I'm not wearing proper neutral running shoes. I was grateful when Mizuno asked me to review their new Wave Sky running shoes. I literally feel like I'm running on air in these beautiful shoes and with proper amounts of stretching and lots of comfort, my shin splints have dissipated and I've noticed a huge difference in the amount of time and miles I can run. This is my first time trying out Mizuno's and I'm grateful they sent me a pair to review. If you're in the market for new running shoes, I highly reccomend checking out the new Wave Sky if you are a neutral runner. 

Running for me is so much more than the physical benefits I get from it. When I'm hitting the trails with Roxy, my furry, tail-wagging 34-pound running partner I feel free. I'm able to take time out of my day for myself and be with her outdoors in the sun doing something I enjoy and reaping all of the benefits from it. I struggle with generalized anxiety disorder and I tend to overthink and fear everything. Running keeps my mind in check and helps keep me from going over the edge. If you struggle with anxiety then you know that it can completely take over and keep you from doing normal, everyday tasks. I'm also a hypochondriac and running helps keep my irrational fears from taking over my mind. I listen to my feet hitting the ground and I hear the birds chirping and the wind whistling through the trees. I hear the dirt crunching beneath my feet and the other runners and cyclists around me. I breathe with the rhythm of my feet hitting the ground and instantly I feel calm. With my anxiety disorder, I find I function better outside in nature. We are building a deck in our back yard for this exact reason. So that I can write and work outside because I feel less anxious outside. I believe that's because anytime something chaotic was happening in my home growing up, it always happened indoors. When I'm outside, I'm free. When I'm running, hitting the trails, letting my feet dictate where I go and how we head on the zig-zags of the trails, I'm in control and I'm free. My dog and I have done this so many times that she knows when I need to rest and I know when she needs water. She knows when I want to go faster and I know when she wants to explore new territory. Running helps me feel confident in my own skin and helps calm my mind. When I'm outside I notice I'm more mindful. I'm more mindful of my reactions, my thought process and patterns and my emotions. 

I also notice that on the days I run my reactions are different and my stress levels lessen. I feel better overall and the serotonin levels in my brain seem to function better. It's been scientifically proven that some people with generalized anxiety disorder are missing the chemical that keeps anxiety levels in check. I have to work ten times harder to keep my thought patterns in check and to not let my mind go to the dark side. I consciously have to rehearse positive thoughts in my head to keep me thinking negative thoughts. Running helps because during and after each run my serotonin levels are higher and I feel better. I run for so much more than getting abs and strong quads. Sure, those aspects of running are great and I'm physically stronger for it, but the mental aspects of running benefit me far more. 

Do you run? Do prefer running indoors or outside? Comment below and tell me your favorite ways to lace up your running shoes and run. 


Show Up For Yourself First

I'm sitting in bed, wide awake at 4 am as the words for this piece come tumbling out of me, but I've got a lot to say and I fear I won't sleep until I get this post written and live. What I'm about to tell you is some of the most important words you are ever going to hear. You don't have to listen to me, you can think I'm wrong, hey, you may not even read past this intro. But for those of you that do, these are some of the strongest words you are ever going to hear and if you follow what I say, I can promise you that one way or the other, your life is going to change.

Read my story first: My goal in 2017/2018 is to obtain my 200-hour yoga teacher training certification. I've been wanting to do this for years, and I've decided that thirty is the year to put this long-term goal into motion. Last month I reached out to a bunch of local studios in town, some I heard back from right away, other's not so much as a: thanks for contacting us. Yoga teacher training is serious business and it's not something that should be taken lightly. It costs a lot of money, time, effort, vulnerability, and oh yeah, did I say money? So in my search to find a good fit, a local yoga studio graciously offered me a month of free classes.

GO! My outer, courageous, loud, vibrant voice screamed to echo. Don't go! My self-doubt voice cried out. I was determined to ignore that doubtful voice and listen to my strong, wise, voice, the one that tells me on a daily basis that I'm badass and can do anything! 

Welp. So here's what happened on the way to yoga class on my first day. I left my house over an hour early. (The studio is an hour away from home) I prepped my car with two insulated water bottles, my yoga mat and towel, a sweater for after class (because Power Vinyasa yoga are heated classes, the studios are kept anywhere from 85-95 degrees, you need to keep yourself warm afterwards to avoid an extreme temperature change which is not good for your body and can make you very sick.) I hopped in my car, nervous, but prepped and ready to go to class. There were lanes and lanes of traffic, a huge accident on the freeway (I hope everyone was okay!) and cars everywhere. I did not make it to class. I was frustrated and upset, and nearly turned the car around, when my inner voice said, "Don't you dare turn around courageous girl, you've got this." So I went to a local cafe, took 10-deep breaths, ate a stunning bowl of fruit, and reset. I sat at that cafe for nearly two hours, until the next class started worrying about whether or not I would pass out in that studio, but still sitting there, patiently waiting, breathing in the good, breathing out the bad. It was finally class time, and I found a parking spot right next to the studio (score!) it's in downtown so parking can be a pain.

Despite all of the things that happened, I still showed up.  I did it! I made it through the class, felt slightly woozy once, and just kept flowin! I left the class feeling super sweaty, elated, relived, and happy. The following day I was very sore from all of the heavy weight lifting and hot yoga, but I still felt really good and proud of myself for showing up......for me! No one else in that class knew me or cared whether or not I showed up. I had to do it for myself, to establish day one, to begin the habit of practicing yoga outside of my home, in a studio, surrounded by like-minded people who want to sweat the day out. Then on day 3, I woke up with a ton of emotional junk stirring up, lack of sleep, and a lot of brain gunk. You know what brain gunk is right? It's old memories or feelings that haven't quite left your heart yet. It's the dark stuff you are still holding onto from the past and probably don't even realize it's still got a hold on you. It's the events that happened out of control that should never happen to anyone. Hot yoga and yoga does that though, it begins a cleansing process of releasing anything that no longer serves you. Apparently, there is a lot of stuff that no longer serves me. I went to class two tonight and we practiced moon salutations, vs. sun salutations as a way to end the week on a high note. It was beautifully hard and glorious and I cried during my Shavasana and had the trippiest flashback to my surgery last year, filled with flash memories that I didn't even know I had in me because my brain was not able to recall them until tonight. Isn't that strange? My mind is still letting that traumatic event go.

 I have a feeling there is going to be lots of crying during Shavasana in the coming weeks. 

Why do we have such a hard time showing up for ourselves? We are the most important people in our lives outside of our spouses, kids, and family, but in order for us to be our best selves to them, we need to be our best selves to us. There are moments that I can recall in my life where I regret not showing up for something. No one else knew I regretted it, but I surely beat myself up for it afterward. The hardest part of anything is showing up because showing up is the first step to the next event that will trigger the next event, and so on and so on. When we show up we make a difference in our world and events begin to unfold, even when we are paying attention. Showing up is the hardest step, but it is the most important one, when we show up, we rise up. When we honor ourselves, the universe notices that and credits us, moves us along, gives up that little extra nudge we need to do the things we've always been too afraid to do. 

SHOW UP. Show up for yourself first! Make this commitment to yourself for 7-days and your life will change. You will start to see that things take motion and new opportunities will come your way. A chain of events will take place, and things will start to move. On those days when you want to hit the snooze button on your alarm or those days where everything seems to be going wrong, so what would be the point of showing up, are the days you need to show up the most! 

I challenge you to try this for 7-days and see how your life changes because it will. Go take that hot yoga class you've been itching to try, or go to that new juice spot you've heard raves about, more importantly though, SHOW UP! If you've finally signed up for college courses, don't quit, show up! If you're stuck and in a rut, and you want to take tap to changes things up, SHOW UP! If you say you're going to meet someone over coffee for a new challenging opportunity, but the challenge scares you, SHOW UP! I'll be showing up right along with you as I go through this emotional journey of hot yoga, and wanting to become a certified yoga teacher. 

Let me know what things you've shown up for that changed your life. What are you wanting to try? What are you afraid of? What's the worst that could happen if you followed through and just showed up? 

And remember, showing up is the hardest part, the rest is easy after that! 

Learn How To Say No | Stop Glorifying Being Busy

I pull over on the side of the road, get out of car in front of some vineyards and stop to take a photo of me doing a yoga pose. As I'm moving out of the yoga pose, I start to see spots, feel dizzy, and woozy, and everything is spinning. I nearly fall over and immediately work to get back to my car. This was episode one of my dizzy spell and I knew something was very wrong. I e-mailed my doctor the next day and told her my symptoms and she immediately ordered up a blood panel. Now this is the first of strange things that have taken place this last week. On Saturday I was capturing a wedding (my day job is wedding photography) and a girl came up to me in the middle of me capturing some detail shots, and asked if I felt okay. She explained she was a nurse and and I told her no, things have felt off lately. I've been feeling fatigued, having dizzy spells, shorts of breath, and hypotension. She asked to look inside my lower lips and under my eyelids and said, "Oh no, I think you are at a level 6." "Huh?" I replied back. "Your hemoglobin, I'm presuming is at a level 6. You need to contact your doctor immediately and have her do a full blood panel on you. I was shocked by her ballsiness and thankful for her wit, because this girl was spot on! The next week of events to transpire are something I never care to go through again. 

I went in for blood tests on Monday, got my results back early Tuesday morning. My doctors called me on Tuesday in the afternoon, and sounded very concerned. My white blood cell count and red blood cell count looked normal. Thank god! My hemoglobin levels are at a 6 and my ferritin levels is at a negative 5. Healthy adults should be a level 12 hemoglobin level! What this means is I'm extremely anemic (like we're talking at the panic level) and my body isn't absorbing iron. I've talked about this before on my blog, but for anyone that's new here, I have benign fibroids which are benign tumors all over my uterus that cause me to have very heavy periods and cause me to clot a lot. Where most women have a period for 3-5 days, mine typically last 8-days long. Fibroids are awful and I don't wish them on anyone. I want to have children eventually, so a hysterectomy is out of the question. Going back to this week. My doctor is very worried and is in shock that my OBGYN didn't catch this in time. I'm sitting here wondering why I'm having all of these weird symptoms and wondering why my normal, high energy self, has been hit with major fatigue for the last few weeks. Being me, though I ignored the symptoms and my body just got use to running on nearly empty. To say I've been burning the candle at both ends is a major understand. Let's put it this way: If a candle had 10-ends, I've already burned through all of them, and then went back and burned through them all again, twice. I'm working on my master's degree in nutrition, I run two businesses, this blog and my wedding photography business, I have wedding every single weekend in May, I'm working with a company all month long on events, I'm shooting and editing food videos, and I never sleep! To say I've run my body into the ground is fact and now I'm paying the price. So how did we get here, you may be asking? Well, I don't eat meat, and I stopped taking iron 3-months after my surgery. This is the lowest my iron levels have ever been and surely the lowest my hemoglobin has ever been. Without iron, you body cannot replenish itself, hemoglobin represents about two-thirds of your bodies iron, if you don't have enough iron, your body can't produce enough healthy oxygen-carrying red blood cells, and basically everything goes haywire. Hence, the strange symptoms of dizziness, seeing stars out of my left eye, feeling fatigued and super tired, and run down. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was having such a hard time running my 5K's. Welp. It turns out lack of iron and low hemoglobin levels is the culprit. I also chew ice like a mad woman, but lately my ice chewing has taken a dark turn. I go through a bag every two days. I literally chew an entire bag of ice every two days.

Now, being anemic is nothing new to me. I've know I've had anemia, basically since I started menstruating. What I did not know was that I had fibroids up until about two years ago. The fibroids cause anemia due to heavy blood loss. Now, when you live with fibroids like I do, you are supposed to take iron, especially women like me who very rarely eat meat. So I did this to myself. I started feeling better and I stopped taking the iron. 6-months later, here we are, with me running myself ragged, having to let go of obligations, and get healthy again! Blood is super important and if you don't take care of you could be in serious trouble. Tomorrow, I go in for my first iron IV drip, which I'll to do for the next 5-weeks along with taking a iron supplement of 325-mg per day and eat red meat 3x-week. That's a ton of iron! But my body can't function without it. Then we will do another blood panel and hopefully I'll land at an 12 where I should be. I'm so sick of feeling like crap and I'm excited to start feeling better. They talked about me going into the ER and giving me a blood transfusion, but I'd like to avoid that as much as possible. Today, while I was at Costco that horrible dizzy, black out feeling came over me again, and I thought, I need to go to the ER. But then I got driven home, at an iron rich meal, slept, and felt slightly better, but only slightly. I'm telling you all of this, because this all happened because I got busy. So busy that I stopped taking my iron and wrecked havoc on my body. 

I'm so tired of seeing all of these Instagram posts where women are glorifying being busy. They're running around, thriving in it and it's not okay! Yes ladies, you read that right. It's not okay to be so busy that you put your health at stake. This is coming from a woman who knows busy like the back of her hand and whose an expert in it. If anyone has nailed down busy, it's me. I'm begging you all, shouting from the rooftops to look at your life and take a giant step back. Are you feeling so overwhelmed that you can't sleep at night? Are you starting to forget things? Are you missing out on YOU time because of some other task or obligation? This is what glorying busy is and it's not okay. We must stop this redderick that to be busy means to be living a fulfilling life, when in reality it's just the opposite actually. You may think you can handle being so busy you're missing out on sleep at night, but I can promise you that it all catches up to you one way or the other.

And when it catches up to you and affects your health, please wake up and realize you need to let some things go. Are you saving lives? No, probably not (if you are saving lives, you rock!) but unless you have a divine purpose for being so busy you can't see straight in the morning, give something up! And if you do have a diving purpose, trust me, it takes days off too. Take days off, not one day but DAYS off to fully relax and recover. Stop spending your precious moments scrolling through Instagram and turn your phone off and take some YOU time. 

I hope you can all learn from my experience and stop the glorification of being busy because nothing is worth your health. 

Take it from me and remember, health is wealth! 

12-Facts About Me: The Dirt, The Deets, The Details!

I started this blog as a way to document my weight-loss journey and it's become so much more than that now. It's become my little corner of the internet where I can come and vent and write and share about life with all of you! I'm grateful for this space and even more grateful for my readers. I'm humbled you take the time to read about my world, my thoughts, and my opinions so I thought I'd share some wacky facts about me. Wacky? Maybe not that scandalous, but some are pretty weird. (Insert laughing emoji here). I have some pretty weird habits that might terrify you, but hopefully, most of them will make you laugh out loud. Because isn't that the point really? To laugh as much as possible in this life. Join me while I share a list with you that I've never shared before with anyone! But most people know most of these...or do they? 

10-Hilarious Facts About me! 

1. I've had a love affair with Haagen-das since I was 19-years-old. My boyfriend at the time introduced me to this crack and I haven't been able to quit the stuff! In fact, I'm eating some at this very moment as I write this piece. I'll never forget the time Aiden took me down ice cream aisle at the Whole Foods that had recently opened up in our town. We had just gotten off a 10-hour shift at our swanky retail job and I was craving something sweet. I mean, I've had ice cream tons of times before, but when I met Haagen-das, it was a lasting love affair that will last a lifetime! 

2. Not only do I own 3-dogs, but I own 5-cats. Yup! You read that right, 5 crazy, quirky, wacky, furry, spunky cats and when I tell most people this, they either laugh or cry, I'm not really sure which is the better reaction.

3. I've loved jazz since I could walk. I opt to listen to it over anything, which I know surprises most of you since I'm always blasting 80's pop music on Instagram, but jazz and I go way, way, back. And by jazz, I mean the greats, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Art Blakey, Coleman Hawkins, Diana Krall, Billie Holiday, the list goes on and on and on. I could talk about jazz for hours and hours. Big jazz nerd over here! Since we're on the topic of music I was raised on the greats too! Sinatra, Bennet, Anka, Martin, and off of the wonderful music that most people my age don't even know who I'm talking about....

4. I started this blog as a way to document my weight-loss. In 2014 I lost 155-pounds and have kept it off ever since! And in 2015 my weight-loss story was featured in Fitness Magazine! I haven't gained back a pound. But, with my surgery, last year by body changed slightly, but it's slowly getting back to what it was post-op. I use to weight 280-pounds and had a wake-up call when my doctor told me I could die if I didn't change my lifestyle. Talk about humiliating! I walked out of that office, got on a running plan, changed my eating habits, and started eating clean. The weight came off and I now workout and eat healthy to be the healthiest, happiest version of myself. I'm training for my first race this summer and I'm excited to be finally taking my running to the next level! Although, I do prefer running with Roxy over anything else! 

5. I'm currently working on my master's degree in nutrition which is a ton of work, but I know it will all be worth it in the end. I have my degree in journalism and was dead-set on being the next Christiane Amanpour but things change and my life took a different direction and I'm still doing what I love, journalism-wise. Reporting, eating all the amazing food, and writing for all of you! 

6. I've been working since I was 13-years-old. My parents always told me that if I wanted something, I'd have to go out and make it happen. I hated scooping ice cream till the wee hours of the night on weekends, but I respect my parents for pushing me to fend for myself. I now run two business's and I'm a female entrepreneur and I'm really proud of that. Thanks, dad!

7. I've been doing Karate since I could walk. My dad has a black belt in karate and taught me how to defend myself at a very young age. While I do not practice this beautiful art form any longer, I still practice from time to time to make sure I know my stuff. And I do the horse karate stance every single day for 5-minutes. I use to be able to do it for 30-minutes a day and I'm slowing working my way back to that. What's the horse stance? You can learn all about this amazing exercise here.  

8. I chew ice like a crazy person! No joke you guys, I go through a bag a week! I've been chewing ice since I found out I have severe anemia due to having benign fibroids. I eat very little meat in my diet and my fibroids cause me be anemic. Anemia affects 60% of women and should not be taken lightly. If you struggle with fatigue or have heavy periods, please go get your iron levels checked! I eat tons of dark, leafy, greens and my body still wants all the ice! My dentist says it's fine, as long I only chew the soft ice! There is only one brand of ice I'll buy and that's the Raley's brand because it's soft, almost like the ice you get in a snow cone. If I can't get my hands on it for one reason or another or I'm traveling, I won't chew ice that weekend.

9. I used to be a belly dancer! In college, I started taking belly dancing classes to blow some steam off, but then I became immersed in the culture and fell in love with the dance! I traveled all over performing in restaurants and shows, but the belly dancing world can be a dark one filled with many toxic people, so after a few years in that world, I got myself out of it. No regrets! I learned a lot about what it means to be a strong woman during that time. 

10. I moved to Los Angeles when I was just a baby! 18-years-old, because I wanted to be a movie star! I've been in commercials, indie films, plays, and have been doing theater since I was a baby. Although I don't live in LA anymore, I feel closer and closer to that world every day being a health and wellness blogger. What's really cool now is I'm lucky enough to combine all of my talents into one amazing job, fitness, acting, writing, photography, influencing, and cooking all the food! 

11. I love to travel! Tell me where we are going and what to pack and I'm there! Travel and photography are a huge part of my life and my goal is to travel all over the world one day. My next stops are Palm Springs, British Columbia, Italy, and Kauai. Although I've already been to Kauai, (I go every year!)  I secretly wish I could pack a bag, grab my dogs and cats, move to Kauai and open my own yoga studio there. I could certainly see myself living the Aloha lifestyle full time! My travel bucket list next stop is Thailand! I want to go and stay at the elephant retreat in Thailand and take care of all the rescued elephants! 

12. I want to be a certified yoga teacher. I've been practicing yoga since my first year of high school when my best friend gave me a DVD to try out, and I've been hooked every since! I love that yoga brings me back to my center. When I practice I feel free of all of my mistakes, my excoriation habit, my pain, bad memories, and heartbreak. When I'm moving and breathing in yoga I truly feel weightless and free. It's a feeling I hope everyone gets to experience and I want to share my passion of yoga with as many people as possible. My favorite style is Vinyasa and I'm currently reaching out to local studios for teacher training. I'm really hoping to be certified by 2018! 

Well, I could list a ton more facts, but this is all for now! 


P.S- Okay so one more! I have multiple tattoos but the one that's the most meaningful to me is: "La Bella Vita" which means The Beautiful Life in Italian and it's a saying my Grandfather would say to me on a daily basis. "Genevieve, life is La Bella Vita!" I miss him more than words could ever express. 

To health and happiness! 

Guilt: The Body Shaming of Emotions

You know how when you get that big promotion at work, or when you fit into those size-6 jeans (finally!), you don't feel guilty right? Because feeling guilty over these things would be silly. Or that's what society tells us to think. Yesterday, I started seeing a therapist for too many reasons to list here, but the mains are for excoriation and PTSD. Two very serious mental health issues that no one wants to talk about because they are uncomfortable. For those of you that don't know what excoriation is it's a picking disorder when one picks their skin uncontrollably. I've struggled with it most of my life and I've promised myself that the year I turned 30 would be the year I stop. So here I am in May of 2017 seeing a therapist. I did not have the best childhood growing up, so I'm also going to therapy for all of those things, and that list is more than one blog post can handle. 

My therapist asked me all kinds of questions yesterday since it was our first session, it's considered the "getting to know you session". I an open book and I have absolutely no issue opening up to people and I think that shocked her a little bit. Right off the bat, I was telling her everything, so much so, that I could feel her energy go from uplifting to being overwhelmed. She asked me several questions and decided that I have "general anxiety disorder." General huh? It feels a lot more than just general. She also says I most likely struggle with PTSD but there will be many more appointments and tests before we can know for sure. She asked me about my family relationships and I was completely honest with her about my relationship with my mom. I told her my mom is a functioning alcoholic and my relationship with her is tumultuous at best. She asked me to give her several examples of what it was like growing up with here and I did.

I told her about the time my mother threw a wine glass at my head when I was 10-years-old for wanting to decorate the Christmas tree. I told her about the time my mother sent me to the hospital on the eve of Thanksgiving when I was 8-years-old and convinced me I had a flesh eating disease in order to get me to stop picking. I told her about the time my mother left me with her crazy boyfriend and he and his son proceeded to yell and belittle me for two and half hours, among other things. I told her about the multiple times my mother left me at the elementary school until 9:00 at night, with no phone call or reason why she forgot to pick me up. There are many more examples, but I'll leave it at these for now.

After telling my therapist all of these things, she was very quiet for what felt like a very long time. I sat there uncomfortably and just waited. And waited. And waited. I started to fidget and looked at all of the items in her office. You can tell a lot about a person by what they have in their office. I noticed family photos, Chinese proverbs on the walls, and a ton of books about anxiety. In the middle of my looking around her office, she said: "Why do you continue to have a relationship with your mother?" Her words knocked the wind right out of me. I literally almost fell off my chair. "Why do I continue to have a relationship with with your mother?" Her sentence just repeated over and over and over again in my brain until I felt dizzy and light headed. She asked if I was okay and needed some water and I said: "I'm fine, I'm just stunned you would ask that." And she said: "Why are you stunned? I mean, you've done a really amazing job of getting rid of all of the other toxic people in your life, why do you still continue a relationship with the most toxic one of them all?"

I didn't have an answer for her. It was the first time in a long time that a person was able to make me quiet. I had nothing to say and that question has been rolling around in my head since the session. The only thing I could say to my therapist was that I still talk to her because I feel guilty. She asked me why I felt guilty and I told her because my mom doesn't have anyone else. Most of her friends stopped speaking to her because of her drinking and she only has her brother and sister left.....and me. My therapist explained to me that there is no reason to feel guilty if the person you are dealing with on a regular basis completely drags you down. I kept insisting that the reason why I feel so guilty is because she is my mom. This isn't just a friend or an aunt, this is my mom. The woman who gave birth to me! She said it doesn't matter if they're friends or blood or family or whatever if they drag you down and make you feel worthless then they are not worth it. 

She's right. It shocks me and it may take a few days for the shock to wear off, but ultimately she is right. Why do we feel so guilty over letting certain people go? I'm constantly preaching to my audience to get rid of and walk away from anything or anyone that no longer serves you and yet I cannot do it myself. My mom breaks my heart on a daily basis and takes over my brain space and it's not worth it anymore. Yet, I continue to talk to her and let her slide on everything. Why? I guess I'm hoping that one day will have that "normal" mother/daughter relationship that I've always longed for. I suppose though if it hasn't happened yet, it's most likely not going to happen now. I need to get to the root of why I feel guilty about this. And an even bigger question I ask all of you is why do we guilty over certain things? Why do we feel guilty about wanting a bigger home, a bigger car, a smaller ribcage, better abs? Since when did it become cool and normal to feel guilty? Do you know how guilt weighs us down emotionally? It's like walking through quicksand all of the time. It's not healthy and it doesn't serve us in any way shape or form so why do we feel it all of the time? Mom's feel it, daughters feel it, teachers feel it, parents feel it, everyone feels guilty. Guilt is the body shaming on emotions. It's the norm to call women skinny, fat, heavy, too tall, too short, and it's now normal to feel guilty over things we should never feel guilty over.  I live on 15-acres and I have a wonderful home and yet I want a bigger one. I find myself feeling guilty about this. Why? It's human nature to always want more so why do we feel guilty about it? And why do I feel so guilty about breaking up with my relationship with my mom? 

Guilt does absolutely nothing but bring us down and make us feel useless. It's time we stop placing guilt on ourselves about everything and start taking a different approach. Instead of feeling guilty, let's feel empowered. Instead of wading in the quicksand let's go dive in the ocean.

Now, I don't have all of the answers and it's going to take me some time to figure out what to do about my relationship with my mom, but in the interim, I'm done feeling guilty about all of it. I'm freeing myself from guilt and breaking out of the brain jail I've locked myself in for so many years. 

How do you deal with guilt? Do you feel it's a waste of time? What the point of guilt?