As I sit down to write this piece, I'm listening to one of my favorite songs written by one of my favorite artists: Tom Petty. Runnin Down A Dream. The songs start's off with this upbeat temp guitar rift and the song takes off.
"Yeah Runnin down a dream, that never would come to me, workin on a mystery, going wherever it leads, runnin down a dream."
This is my song, my motto for 2018. Working on mystery's and getting everything I've worked for up to this point. 2017 was strange for me. Parts of it felt really good, but other parts felt stale, stagnant, and stuck. One part was completely devastating. I never want to feel those feelings again and I realized in 2017 that I had everything to do with those feelings. We make our own rainbows in this life and I have all of the power to accomplish ALL of my goals in this new year.
Nothing can stop me. No more excuses, no more letting fear take over. No more feeling left behind or that I'm not on everyone else's timeline. It's okay and healthy to be on my own timeline.
Everyone is having babies right now. Literally, nearly everyone I know is pregnant. That was really hard for me at first because although I do want children, I'm not sure if right this minute right now is the right time.
I'm still working on my mental health and I really want to have the settled before we bring a little one into the picture. It won't be too long though, I've already come leaps and bounds in my fears surrounding pregnancy and birth in just 3-months alone. I know I'm almost ready to take a leap a faith and just "do it" as my friends like to say. I also know that I may never feel fully ready, but since I have waited, I would like to be as ready as I know I can be. Perhaps will start trying this Spring and I know taking the winter time to really focus on my mental health and not let my anxiety take over can only benefit my future child. I'm excited about the possibility of bringing a new life into this world and that excites me!
3-months ago, just the thought of pregnancy terrified me. But now, it all seems terrifying and exciting all at the same time. Just to be clear, I'm ready to be a Mom, I know my husband and I will make amazing parents, that's not what this is. We know we want children. I needed to get over my fear and anxiety surrounding what what-ifs and the things that could happen during pregnancy and giving birth. I did not want to get pregnant with this insane fear living inside of me. 3-months ago it was off the table, now it's on the table and it all seems a lot lighter. More therapy, lots of self-discovery, and taking Sedalia has helped me come leaps and bounds in my fears surrounding the hard stuff.
I'm excited to take winter and continue to become mentally tough and believe that everything will go my way. I'm excited to release these fears that I never thought would dissipate. But? Now they are disappearing and I'm elated to be excited at the idea of it all! If you have fears surrounding the beginning stages of becoming a Mom, I'm right there with you and we are in this together.
I know that because of the way I was brought up, my mental health will always be my biggest struggle. Tackling my anxiety one minute at a time some days can be crippling. But, it's all gotten better. I'm moving in a brighter direction and I react a lot less now. I do not let every hypochondria thought take over and I do not always believe the worst thing that my mean-brain tends to want me to believe. I'm in control, I chose whether or not those Ferriss wheel thoughts take over. I make the choice whether to give in or to fight back. I have the power and the power is within me. It's not the other way around. Therapy and many books have helped transform my anxious mind into a prism that I can check in with throughout the day. I've also enrolled in ACT classes this winter to practice exercise's and techniques to really hone my skills and train my brain. I'm excited for all of the new lessons ACT will bring!
I like having money and I like spending money. Turns out, I'm really good at spending all the money. Catch that word there, ALL. Oh my, how I need help in this department. I'm fully guilty of that whole "Keeping up with the Jone's thing" and it stops today. Who cares what anyone else has? New fitness gear, new cars, new homes, new this, new that, it's all just STUFF. It's not being kind, loving, giving, or nice, it's just materialistic stuff. I can feel the heat brewing in my belly as I type this out. People have stuff, and I want a lot less stuff. Honestly, my 1200 square foot farmhouse can't fit any more stuff in it. My goal this month is to let more stuff go, and now jump on Amazon or run to Target every time I see someone getting new stuff. It's all just stuff and stuff never replaces what really matters. Now that I know that, my bank account and husband will be a lot happier.
Save, save, save. I love traveling, I love fitness and yoga retreats, I love seeing new places. If I do spend money this year, it's going to be on travel and not on materialistic things. in 2017 I met my goal of visiting British Columbia and had to cancel our Kuai trip because of it. In 2018, we will go back to our favorite place, Kaui and we will see new places. My house will be a lot lighter, and my camera and heart will be a lot fuller.
I'm going to be a budgeting machine in 2018. It may not be fun, but if we are going to have a little one of our own, we need to get to saving, saving, saving.
Just today, we canceled cable, (that was HUGE for us!) for some dumb reason I had the thought that I couldn't live without Housewives and Bravo. The truth is, those shows are scripted and fake and none of what's actually happening in those storylines is real. I'm ashamed to admit that for the longest time, this Libra wanted to be a Real Housewife... yeah I know, ridiculous. I also didn't realize until that last time I plopped my butt on the couch and watched Housewives, how anxiety producing those show actually are for me. My heart literally races the entire time I'm watching and that's not healthy. So cable is bye-bye! And who knows, maybe will get rid of our TV next....
In 2017, I invested in kayak's and we spent our entire summer on the water. Best, and cheapest decision I ever made. Here's to all of the kayaking in 2018! Our goal is to take our boats out for some ocean kayaking soon and I cannot wait! Bouldering, bouldering, and more bouldering. I took up rock climbing in 2016 and now I want to take it outside. Here's to all of the amazing hikes with amazing views 2018 will bring! Race day! I would say it's time for me to sign up for a race. Why the heck not?! Who cares if I may not be as fast as other's, at-least I'm keeping this deal with myself. And better yet, because I ran 569 miles in 2017! 569 miles!!!! That's like running from California to Portland, Oregon! I'm hoping to double that number in 2018!
2016 happened, 2017 happened, now it's time for 2018 to HAPPEN! I'm ready to take my little corner of the internet to the next level this year and become a full-time professional blogger. I firmly believe that the universe has our back and what you ask for, you receive.
I'm ready to take what I was born to do and turn it into an amazing gem of an opportunity and growth. I'm ready to know I deserve this and that I can do it. I have the power and the power is within me.
Whatever your goals are for 2018, I hope that meet them with power and grace. My two words for 2018: Power and Grace.
Here's to meeting all of the kick-ass goals in 2018 and becoming the best version of ourselves possible! To all of the health and happiness, LET'S DO THIS!