The feeling always creeps up on me on Sunday afternoon when I’m drinking my coffee and prepping for the next week. It’s slow, but once it’s there it takes over me. I’m the definition of a Runaway Train. It if weren’t for my amazing, and extremely patient husband, I probably would have been a runway bride too. I’m always searching for the next best thing, the ever eternal feeling that is pure un-satisfaction. I eat great food at a new foodie restaurant, awesome where’s the next place to check out? I go to Kauai and hike the Waimea Canyon, sweet, where should we go next? I order the newest, most adorable workout clothes, great, what’s next? I have a serious problem. I’m always searching for the next best thing. I could have all the money, clothes, amazing job, blissful home life, and still I want more. I’m the girl who should have, “All I want is everything,” tattooed on my arm. I literally want everything all of the time all at once. You know that saying, “You can have everything you want in your life, but not all at the same time.” Yup, that’s me to a tee. Except I want it all now, right now.
My patience level is terrible too. I don’t like waiting for things to happen. I prefer to go out and make them happen myself. It can be a great personality trait to have, but it’s also very detramental constantly waiting for the next best thing. How do I enjoy the current moment I’m in? How do I revel in the moment? Buddhists talk about being in moment is truly living. I have a really hard time being in the moment ever. If I’m not thinking about what wedding I’m shooting that week, I’m thinking about what will work for this website, or which workout I’m going to do, or if I’m really okay since my surgery, the list goes on and on and on. I recently got back from a work trip to Portland and before we even left the state of Oregon, I turned to my husband and said, “So what’s next?” He asked me if I could ever just enjoy the trip were on. I have a problem, at-least I’m sure a therapist would tell me so.
What can I do about problem you may ask? Meditation? I’ve tried countless time to start a meditation practice and I cannot seem to get on board. But now my choice are be doped up on wellbrutin or practice yoga and meditation and I would rather do the ladder, so two days ago I started a daily yoga practice. Yoga helps me calm down and find my zen, plus I always feel like such a badass when I’m finished. Now, if I could only achieve handstand….one day. See, there’s that constantly searching for the next best thing. Meditation is another battle, but I need it to heal my soul and my mean-brain. Meditation can help me calm down if I could just get started. Each day I say a mantra to myself and meditate for a minute. I’m working my way up to five minutes each day, but a girls got to start somewhere right?
Do you have the issue of always searching for the next best thing? Do you have any meditation tips for me? I’ll take all of the advice I can get.