I haven't tied my shoes yet, and already the massive headache strikes. There is a pounding in my head and my heart is beating faster than normal. I feel anxious and tired all at the same time. I feel crabby and filled with an overwhelmingly feeling of self-doubt.
This morning I woke up feel horrible. I felt inflamed, awoke with a raging headache, my skin felt itchy and tingly, my mind was foggy and I instantly had mean-brain. I felt angry, annoyed, and the happy confidence I've been feeling each day since getting off sugar turned into hating myself. I'm experiencing what experts call a sugar hangover. I feel as if I've had 2-bottles of champagne, I feel like I've drunk loads of alcohol. I feel horrible. I do not really drink now, so these feelings are non-existent until today. My main concern is how utterly low and crappy I'm feeling about myself today. I feel like I have super low self-esteem and my mind is doing that whole, "you're not doing anything right" stuff. It's all from consuming a pint of ice cream last night. Yes, you read that right. I consumed an entire pint of Hagen Das Peanut Butter Chocolate Ice Cream which totally seemed like a good idea at the time. Little did I know that being off sugar for 9-days and then eating is again would cause this reaction in my body.
Yesterday I was fired up about new opportunities and the progress I've been making and today I feel slow moving as if I'm going backward's. I feel like I'm attempting to walk a tightrope in a pool of sloppy, thick, deep, mud. I'm anxious, sad, and crabby. Really, really crabby. My skin looks terrible too. I've broken out, it's itchy, and it feels tingling. All reactions to eating sugar after being off it for a week.
Why did I feel the need to eat the ice cream last night after being off it for a week and feeling great? Why did I let the craving and thought process take over and binge on ice cream? Throughout my sugar detox, I still cannot pinpoint the reason why I feel the need to eat it. I never feel good after it and the feeling of guilt consumes me. I feel rotten about breaking this deal with myself. I keep my deals, so breaking one myself is the worst kind of deal to break. I know I'm perfectly capable of getting off sugar for good so why don't I? Why do I still buy ice cream? Why do I spend $14.99 on the decadent cake from Bel-Air. Yeah, expensive for a piece of cake, I know! What is it that is so great about eating the sugar in the first place? I know it tastes good, but not this good. It's not healthy to go put my mind and my heart through this turmoil. It's not right to break deals with myself. It's not okay to make my body feel these feelings of un-want, shame, and guilt.
I've released this now. What's done is done and it's over. Today is a new day, free of sugar, filled with grace, love, and water. Lot's of water. Today, I move on from my mistake last night and I begin again. I'm not starting my sugar detox over, just doing a simple reset. I messed up. I'm fessing up to it, writing about it, and sharing my experiences from it with all of you.
If you break a deal with yourself, move slowly and surely with grace. Remember these feelings and move on. Drink lots of water, eat lots of kale, and move forward with grace.
Now, I can finally tie my shoes again.....
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