Show Up For Yourself First

this …

I'm sitting in bed, wide awake at 4 am as the words for this piece come tumbling out of me, but I've got a lot to say and I fear I won't sleep until I get this post written and live. What I'm about to tell you is some of the most important words you are ever going to hear. You don't have to listen to me, you can think I'm wrong, hey, you may not even read past this intro. But for those of you that do, these are some of the strongest words you are ever going to hear and if you follow what I say, I can promise you that one way or the other, your life is going to change.

Read my story first: My goal in 2017/2018 is to obtain my 200-hour yoga teacher training certification. I've been wanting to do this for years, and I've decided that thirty is the year to put this long-term goal into motion. Last month I reached out to a bunch of local studios in town, some I heard back from right away, other's not so much as a: thanks for contacting us. Yoga teacher training is serious business and it's not something that should be taken lightly. It costs a lot of money, time, effort, vulnerability, and oh yeah, did I say money? So in my search to find a good fit, a local yoga studio graciously offered me a month of free classes.

GO! My outer, courageous, loud, vibrant voice screamed to echo. Don't go! My self-doubt voice cried out. I was determined to ignore that doubtful voice and listen to my strong, wise, voice, the one that tells me on a daily basis that I'm badass and can do anything! 

Welp. So here's what happened on the way to yoga class on my first day. I left my house over an hour early. (The studio is an hour away from home) I prepped my car with two insulated water bottles, my yoga mat and towel, a sweater for after class (because Power Vinyasa yoga are heated classes, the studios are kept anywhere from 85-95 degrees, you need to keep yourself warm afterwards to avoid an extreme temperature change which is not good for your body and can make you very sick.) I hopped in my car, nervous, but prepped and ready to go to class. There were lanes and lanes of traffic, a huge accident on the freeway (I hope everyone was okay!) and cars everywhere. I did not make it to class. I was frustrated and upset, and nearly turned the car around, when my inner voice said, "Don't you dare turn around courageous girl, you've got this." So I went to a local cafe, took 10-deep breaths, ate a stunning bowl of fruit, and reset. I sat at that cafe for nearly two hours, until the next class started worrying about whether or not I would pass out in that studio, but still sitting there, patiently waiting, breathing in the good, breathing out the bad. It was finally class time, and I found a parking spot right next to the studio (score!) it's in downtown so parking can be a pain.

Despite all of the things that happened, I still showed up.  I did it! I made it through the class, felt slightly woozy once, and just kept flowin! I left the class feeling super sweaty, elated, relived, and happy. The following day I was very sore from all of the heavy weight lifting and hot yoga, but I still felt really good and proud of myself for showing up......for me! No one else in that class knew me or cared whether or not I showed up. I had to do it for myself, to establish day one, to begin the habit of practicing yoga outside of my home, in a studio, surrounded by like-minded people who want to sweat the day out. Then on day 3, I woke up with a ton of emotional junk stirring up, lack of sleep, and a lot of brain gunk. You know what brain gunk is right? It's old memories or feelings that haven't quite left your heart yet. It's the dark stuff you are still holding onto from the past and probably don't even realize it's still got a hold on you. It's the events that happened out of control that should never happen to anyone. Hot yoga and yoga does that though, it begins a cleansing process of releasing anything that no longer serves you. Apparently, there is a lot of stuff that no longer serves me. I went to class two tonight and we practiced moon salutations, vs. sun salutations as a way to end the week on a high note. It was beautifully hard and glorious and I cried during my Shavasana and had the trippiest flashback to my surgery last year, filled with flash memories that I didn't even know I had in me because my brain was not able to recall them until tonight. Isn't that strange? My mind is still letting that traumatic event go.

 I have a feeling there is going to be lots of crying during Shavasana in the coming weeks. 

Why do we have such a hard time showing up for ourselves? We are the most important people in our lives outside of our spouses, kids, and family, but in order for us to be our best selves to them, we need to be our best selves to us. There are moments that I can recall in my life where I regret not showing up for something. No one else knew I regretted it, but I surely beat myself up for it afterward. The hardest part of anything is showing up because showing up is the first step to the next event that will trigger the next event, and so on and so on. When we show up we make a difference in our world and events begin to unfold, even when we are paying attention. Showing up is the hardest step, but it is the most important one, when we show up, we rise up. When we honor ourselves, the universe notices that and credits us, moves us along, gives up that little extra nudge we need to do the things we've always been too afraid to do. 

SHOW UP. Show up for yourself first! Make this commitment to yourself for 7-days and your life will change. You will start to see that things take motion and new opportunities will come your way. A chain of events will take place, and things will start to move. On those days when you want to hit the snooze button on your alarm or those days where everything seems to be going wrong, so what would be the point of showing up, are the days you need to show up the most! 

I challenge you to try this for 7-days and see how your life changes because it will. Go take that hot yoga class you've been itching to try, or go to that new juice spot you've heard raves about, more importantly though, SHOW UP! If you've finally signed up for college courses, don't quit, show up! If you're stuck and in a rut, and you want to take tap to changes things up, SHOW UP! If you say you're going to meet someone over coffee for a new challenging opportunity, but the challenge scares you, SHOW UP! I'll be showing up right along with you as I go through this emotional journey of hot yoga, and wanting to become a certified yoga teacher. 

Let me know what things you've shown up for that changed your life. What are you wanting to try? What are you afraid of? What's the worst that could happen if you followed through and just showed up? 

And remember, showing up is the hardest part, the rest is easy after that!